About Conversion Therapy, Sexual Orientation, and Hope

If you've searched “how to stop being gay,” “how to become straight,” “how to stop being bisexual,” “can I change my sexual orientation,” “how to stop being transgender,” or “how to get rid of same-sex attraction,” you are not alone.

And you deserve an answer that is honest, compassionate, and based on evidence—not fear.

Maybe you are LGBTQ+ and don't want to be.

Maybe your faith has taught you that being gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer is wrong.

Maybe you're afraid your family will reject you.

Maybe you are married to someone of another gender and don't understand what your attractions mean.

Maybe you're wondering whether trauma caused you to be LGBTQ+.

Maybe you're hoping there is a therapist who can help you become heterosexual or cisgender.

Maybe you're a parent desperately searching for a way to “fix” your child.

Or maybe you've already tried to change and are wondering why you still feel the way you do.

Whatever brought you here, you don't deserve shame for asking the question.

But you do deserve accurate information.

And the scientific evidence is remarkably consistent:

Conversion therapy has not been shown to reliably change a person's sexual orientation or gender identity, while research has repeatedly associated sexual orientation and gender identity change efforts with psychological harm.

There is another path.

It isn't about forcing yourself to become LGBTQ+.

It isn't about forcing yourself to adopt a particular label.

And it isn't about telling you what you should believe.

LGBTQ+-affirming therapy can help you understand yourself, work through shame and fear, explore your identity, navigate faith and family relationships, and build a life that feels authentic and sustainable—without requiring a predetermined identity outcome.

First: What Is Conversion Therapy?

“Conversion therapy” is a broad term for practices intended to change or suppress someone's sexual orientation, gender identity, or related behaviors.

Researchers and professional organizations often use more specific terminology:

• Sexual Orientation Change Efforts (SOCE)

• Gender Identity Change Efforts (GICE)

• Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Change Efforts (SOGICE)

You may also encounter terms such as:

• reparative therapy

• reorientation therapy

• sexual orientation change therapy

• gay conversion therapy

• LGBTQ conversion therapy

• ex-gay therapy

• same-sex attraction therapy

• gender identity conversion therapy

• “overcoming” homosexuality

• unwanted same-sex attraction treatment

These terms can describe practices ranging from psychotherapy to religious counseling, prayer-based programs, support groups, behavioral techniques, and other attempts to eliminate or suppress LGBTQ+ identities, attractions, or behaviors.

The American Psychological Association distinguishes these practices from evidence-based psychotherapy because they are not supported by credible evidence demonstrating reliable change in sexual orientation or gender identity.

Why Do People Search for “How to Stop Being LGBTQ+”?

This question deserves compassion.

People don't necessarily seek conversion therapy because they hate themselves.

Sometimes they are trying to solve an enormous conflict between different parts of their lives.

For example:

“I love my religion, but I'm gay.”

“I don't want to lose my family.”

“I don't want to disappoint my parents.”

“I want to have a heterosexual marriage.”

“I don't want to be transgender.”

“I want to stop having same-sex attraction.”

“I wish I could be normal.”

“Can trauma make someone gay?”

“Can therapy make me straight?”

“Can I choose to be heterosexual?”

“How do I get rid of homosexual thoughts?”

“How do I stop being bisexual?”

“How do I stop being attracted to women?”

“How do I stop being attracted to men?”

“How do I become straight?”

“Can God make me straight?”

“Can prayer change my sexuality?”

These aren't stupid questions.

They're often questions coming from someone who is scared.

And when someone is scared, promising them a cure can be incredibly powerful—and incredibly dangerous.

Does Conversion Therapy Actually Work?

The short answer: Research has not demonstrated that it reliably changes sexual orientation or gender identity.

This conclusion isn't based on one study.

It comes from decades of research, systematic reviews, professional guidelines, and studies examining the experiences and outcomes of people who underwent sexual orientation or gender identity change efforts.

The APA's 2009 task force conducted a systematic review of the scientific literature on sexual orientation change efforts and concluded that these efforts were unlikely to be successful and involved a risk of harm. The APA's subsequent guidelines continue to state that sexual minority orientations are not mental illnesses and that efforts to change sexual orientation cause harm.

The APA's current evidence review similarly concludes that decades of research have found conversion efforts to be largely ineffective and associated with significant negative outcomes.

In other words:

The problem isn't that conversion therapy hasn't been tried enough.

It has been tried for decades.

The problem is that the evidence doesn't support the claim that it can reliably accomplish what it promises.

One of the Largest Studies Found Extremely Little Evidence of Orientation Change

One of the frequently cited studies was conducted by Dehlin and colleagues and included 1,612 current or former members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who had experienced sexual orientation change efforts.

The results were striking.

Less than 4% reported any modification of their core same-sex erotic attraction.

Meanwhile:

• 42% said the change-oriented therapy was not at all effective.

• 37% described it as moderately to severely harmful.

Participants reported negative outcomes including increased shame, depression, anxiety, decreased self-esteem, damaged family relationships, and spiritual struggles.

Importantly, participants who experienced affirming psychotherapy reported benefits including reduced depression, increased self-esteem, and improved family relationships.

This distinction matters.

A person may learn to suppress behavior without changing attraction.

A person may stop using an LGBTQ+ label without becoming heterosexual.

A person may marry someone of another gender without becoming straight.

A person may remain celibate without losing same-sex attraction.

A transgender person may suppress gender expression without becoming cisgender.

These are not the same thing as changing sexual orientation or gender identity.

“But Some People Say They Changed.”

This is an important statement.

Some people who undergo conversion efforts later report that they changed.

Science should not dismiss someone's subjective experience.

However, there are several possibilities that need to be distinguished:

Identity can change.

Someone might identify as gay at one point and bisexual later.

Someone might identify as bisexual and later identify as lesbian.

Someone might stop using an LGBTQ+ label altogether.

Sexual identity can be complex and can change over time for some people.

Behavior can change.

A person can choose not to have same-sex relationships or sexual experiences.

Suppression can occur.

Someone may learn to avoid, deny, or suppress attractions or feelings.

Attraction can fluctuate.

Some people experience changes in the intensity or direction of attraction over time.

And sexual orientation change efforts may be interpreted as successful when the underlying attraction has not actually been eliminated.

This is one reason researchers emphasize the distinction between identity, behavior, attraction, and orientation.

The existence of an individual who reports change does not establish that a particular intervention can reliably produce that change in other people.

The APA has specifically noted methodological problems in earlier research claiming successful conversion, including biased recruitment, retrospective designs, inadequate definitions, and questionable outcome measures.

What About the Famous “I Changed” Studies?

You may encounter websites or organizations citing studies claiming that gay people can become heterosexual.

It is worth examining the methodology behind those claims.

The APA notes that some historically influential research supporting sexual orientation change has since been discredited or substantially criticized.

One famous example is the work of psychiatrist Robert Spitzer.

Spitzer published a 2003 study claiming evidence that some people could change from homosexual to heterosexual.

He later publicly apologized and acknowledged that the major criticisms of his study were justified.

The APA's current guidelines specifically cite the methodological problems surrounding this and other early research.

This is why “someone published a study” isn't the same thing as “science has established that something works.”

Scientific conclusions depend on the quality, replication, methodology, and totality of evidence.

What Happens When Someone Tries to Change?

The research is concerning.

Conversion efforts have been associated with:

• depression

• anxiety

• shame

• internalized homophobia

• internalized transphobia

• reduced self-esteem

• identity confusion

• emotional numbness

• dissociation

• social isolation

• relationship difficulties

• sexual difficulties

• substance misuse

• spiritual distress

• family conflict

• suicidal thoughts

• suicide attempts

The APA's guidelines summarize this body of research and identify numerous potential harms, including depression, suicidality, anxiety, isolation, decreased self-worth, lower life satisfaction, sexual dysfunction, substance use, and worsening family relationships.

Conversion Therapy and Suicide Risk

This deserves particularly careful discussion.

While researchers cannot simply conclude from every observational study that conversion therapy causes suicide, there is more evidence to support that it is correlative than those who support conversion therapy are willing to admit.

People who seek conversion therapy may already be experiencing intense shame, family rejection, religious conflict, depression, or suicidal thoughts. That is an important scientific limitation.

But the overall evidence remains deeply concerning.

A nationally representative U.S. study of 1,518 non-transgender sexual minority adults found that approximately 7% had experienced sexual orientation change efforts.

After accounting for adverse childhood experiences and demographic factors, those exposed to SOCE had:

• nearly twice the odds of lifetime suicidal ideation

• approximately 75% higher odds of suicide planning

• approximately 88% higher odds of a suicide attempt with minor injury

compared with those who had not experienced SOCE.

Other research has found similar associations.

A South Korean study of 2,168 lesbian, gay, and bisexual adults found that those who had undergone sexual orientation change efforts had approximately 1.44 times the prevalence of suicidal ideation and 2.35 times the prevalence of suicide attempts compared with those who had not undergone such practices.

For transgender people, research has also found concerning associations.

A study of 566 transgender adults in South Korea found that people who had undergone gender identity change efforts had significantly higher rates of depression, panic disorder, and suicide attempts than those who had not.

Another U.S. study examining transgender and nonbinary adults found that both religious and nonreligious gender identity change efforts were associated with increased odds of suicidal ideation and attempts.

These studies do not mean that every person who experiences conversion therapy will become suicidal.

They do mean that there is enough evidence of harm that mental-health professionals should not present conversion efforts as a safe, evidence-based treatment.

What About Conversion Therapy Done Through Religion?

Religion can be deeply meaningful.

Faith itself isn't inherently harmful to LGBTQ+ people.

In fact, many LGBTQ+ people find profound comfort, identity, community, and spiritual meaning within their faith.

The problem arises when religious beliefs are used to justify coercive efforts to eliminate someone's sexual orientation or gender identity.

Research has found that religious leaders and religious settings are common sources of sexual orientation change efforts.

In the national U.S. study described above, 80.8% of participants who had experienced SOCE reported receiving it from a religious leader.

If you're a religious LGBTQ+ person, you don't have to choose between:

“My faith matters”

and

“My identity is real.”

Therapy can provide space to explore both. You are allowed to wrestle with theology. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to question what you were taught. You are allowed to reconstruct your beliefs. And you are allowed to decide what role—if any—that religion will have in your life.

What If I Really, Really Want to Stop Being LGBTQ+?

This is where compassionate therapy matters most. A therapist shouldn't shame you for wanting change. But they also shouldn't promise something science cannot support.

Instead, therapy can help you explore:

What am I actually wanting to change?

Is it:

• attraction?

• identity?

• behavior?

• shame?

• fear?

• religious conflict?

• family conflict?

• loneliness?

• dysphoria?

• unwanted sexual thoughts?

• fear of rejection?

• internalized homophobia?

• internalized transphobia?

• trauma?

• the consequences of being LGBTQ+ in an unsupportive environment?

These are very different therapeutic questions.

And many of them can absolutely be treated.

You May Not Be Able to Change Your Orientation—But You Can Change How You Feel About Yourself

This is where hope enters the conversation.

You may not be able to force yourself to become heterosexual or cisgender.

But you can work toward:

• less shame

• less anxiety

• greater self-understanding

• stronger boundaries

• healthier relationships

• greater self-worth

• improved body acceptance

• reduced internalized stigma

• improved coping skills

• greater emotional regulation

• reconciliation with your values

• healthier relationships with religion

• greater confidence

• a stronger sense of identity

• greater self-acceptance

Those are real changes.

And they are changes that therapy can meaningfully help with.

What Is LGBTQ+-Affirming Therapy?

LGBTQ+-affirming therapy does not mean that a therapist forces you to identify as LGBTQ+.

It doesn't mean:

“You're gay, and you have to accept it.”

It doesn't mean:

“You have to transition.”

It doesn't mean:

“You have to come out.”

And it doesn't mean:

“You have to abandon your religion.”

Instead, affirmative therapy means that the therapist doesn't enter the room with the assumption that heterosexuality or cisgender identity is the healthier outcome.

The therapist can help you explore who you are without imposing a predetermined identity.

The APA describes appropriate affirmative interventions for people who seek sexual orientation change as involving acceptance, support, understanding, active coping, social support, and identity exploration—without imposing a particular sexual-orientation outcome.

That is a radically different goal from conversion therapy.

What Does LGBTQ+-Affirming Therapy Actually Treat?

An affirming therapist can still treat depression.

Anxiety.

Trauma.

OCD.

ADHD.

Relationship problems.

Family conflict.

Grief.

Religious trauma.

Sexual shame.

Body image concerns.

Dissociation.

Low self-esteem.

Stress.

Burnout.

And countless other concerns.

The difference is that the therapist does not assume:

“Your LGBTQ+ identity is the disorder.”

Instead, therapy can explore whether the distress is coming from:

minority stress + rejection + shame + discrimination + trauma + internalized stigma + other mental-health concerns.

This distinction is supported by the minority-stress literature and by contemporary LGBTQ+-affirmative psychotherapy research.

Does LGBTQ+-Affirming Therapy Actually Work?

Yes. And the research base is growing.

A 2024 state-of-the-science review of LGBTQ+-affirmative psychotherapy concluded that affirmative psychotherapy approaches have established efficacy across different sexual and gender minority populations, treatment settings, and delivery formats. The review identified potential mechanisms of change including reductions in hypervigilance, shame, negative self-schemas, unassertiveness, and emotion dysregulation.

More recent clinical trials provide additional support.

A 2025 study examining LGBTQ+-affirmative CBT with sexual and gender diverse adolescents and young adults found longitudinal improvements and examined mechanisms through which affirmative treatment may support well-being.

A 2026 randomized trial involving 254 young gay and bisexual men examined LGBTQ+-affirmative CBT and found changes in identity-related and broader psychological mechanisms, including sexual-orientation-related acceptance concerns, concealment motivation, internalized stigma, self-esteem, emotion regulation, rumination, and social support.

And a randomized controlled trial of guided internet-based LGBTQ+-affirmative CBT among sexual minority men found significantly greater improvements in depression and anxiety compared with assessment-only controls, along with improvements in some minority-stress mechanisms including internalized stigma.

The evidence is increasingly pointing toward an important conclusion:

Therapy doesn't need to change someone's LGBTQ+ identity to improve their mental health.

It can help change the shame, fear, isolation, and psychological distress surrounding that identity.

What If I Don't Want to Identify as LGBTQ+?

You don't have to rush into a label.

Identity exploration is different from identity conversion.

A therapist can help you ask:

“What does this attraction mean to me?”

“Do I actually want a label?”

“What happens when I imagine accepting this part of myself?”

“What happens when I imagine rejecting it?”

“What did I learn about LGBTQ+ people growing up?”

“What do I personally believe now?”

“Which beliefs are mine, and which ones were given to me?”

“What would I choose if I weren't afraid of disappointing anyone?”

Those are legitimate therapeutic questions.

You are allowed to be uncertain. You are allowed to take your time. You are allowed to use a label. You are allowed not to use one. And you are allowed to change how you describe yourself.

What If I Am Religious?

You don't have to abandon your faith to seek affirming therapy.

For some LGBTQ+ people, faith reconstruction becomes an important part of healing.

That might mean:

• finding an affirming congregation

• exploring different theological interpretations

• separating spirituality from harmful religious experiences

• grieving a former understanding of faith

• rebuilding a relationship with God

• deciding to remain religious

• becoming less religious

• becoming secular

• remaining uncertain

Therapy should make room for your actual beliefs rather than assuming what those beliefs should be.

You deserve the opportunity to explore spirituality without having your identity treated as something that must be eliminated to preserve your faith.

“But My Parents Will Never Accept Me.”

This may be one of the most painful fears LGBTQ+ people carry.

And if your parents are currently rejecting you, I don't want to offer you false reassurance.

Not every parent eventually becomes accepting. Some families remain rejecting of it. Some relationships become distant. Some LGBTQ+ people need firm boundaries or no contact.

But rejection today does not necessarily predict rejection forever.

There is legitimate reason for hope.

Parents Sometimes Need Time

A 2019 study of 1,195 parents of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth ages 10–25 examined how parents' difficulty with their child's sexual orientation changed over time.

Researchers found that parents who had known about their child's sexual orientation for longer reported less difficulty.

Interestingly, the improvement wasn't immediate.

Parents who had known for between two months and two years showed similarly high levels of difficulty.

The decrease in difficulty became evident after approximately two years.

That doesn't mean:

“Give your parents two years and they'll definitely accept you.”

Science cannot promise that.

But it does challenge the frightening assumption:

“My parents reacted badly today, so they will always feel this way.”

Some parents need time to process. Some need education. Some need to grieve the expectations they had for their child's life. Some need to reconcile their religious beliefs with their love for their child.

Some gradually move from:

“I don't understand this.”

to:

“I don't agree with this.”

to:

“I love my child.”

to:

“This is simply part of who my child is.”

And sometimes the process happens slowly enough that the LGBTQ+ child doesn't notice the change until years later.

Parents Can Change, Too

Research involving nonaccepting parents and LGBTQ+ young adults offers another reason for hope.

A pilot study of 30 families participating in attachment-based family therapy found increases in mothers' acceptance of their young adult's sexual orientation or non-cisgender identity. Young adults also reported decreases in parental rejection. These changes were observed over the course of treatment.

More recent research examining parental behavior during attachment-based family therapy similarly found that, on average, perceived parental rejection decreased and perceived parental acceptance increased during treatment.

This doesn't mean every parent will change.

It does mean that parental rejection is not necessarily a permanent psychological state.

People can learn. People can process. People can change their beliefs. People can become less afraid.

People can discover that loving their child is more important than maintaining an expectation about who they thought their child would become.

And Your Parents' Acceptance Is Not the Measure of Your Worth

This part is important.

You can hope your parents come around. You can grieve if they don't. You can work toward reconciliation. You can set boundaries. You can take space. You can maintain a relationship with complicated limits. You can decide that certain behavior isn't acceptable to you.

But none of those decisions determine whether you are worthy of love.

Research consistently finds that family acceptance is associated with better mental-health outcomes among LGBTQ+ people.

In one influential study of 245 LGBT young adults, greater family acceptance during adolescence predicted greater self-esteem, social support, and general health and was protective against depression, substance use, and suicidal ideation and behaviors.

Research among transgender and nonbinary young adults similarly finds associations between parental rejection and depression and suicidality.

Your family matters. Their acceptance can matter enormously.

But their current inability to accept you is not evidence that you are unacceptable.

If You're the Parent Reading This

Perhaps you're here because your adult child came out to you.

Maybe you're angry. Maybe you're scared. Maybe you're grieving. Maybe you're religious and don't know how to reconcile what you've been taught with the person you love. Maybe you're afraid your relationship will never be the same.

Maybe you're searching:

“How do I make my child straight?”

“Can therapy change my child's sexuality?”

“How do I stop my child from being transgender?”

Please consider a different question:

“How can I understand my child well enough that we don't lose each other?”

You don't have to understand everything immediately. You don't have to have the perfect words. You can learn. You can ask questions. You can seek your own therapy. You can find support from other parents. You can examine your beliefs. And you can give yourself time.

Your child does not need you to have all the answers. What they need is to know that you are still their parent.

What LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy Can Help You Do Instead

If conversion therapy promises:

“We will change who you are.”

affirming therapy offers something different:

“Let's understand who you are and help you build a life you can live honestly.”

That work might include:

Healing from religious trauma

You can explore how religious teachings affected your understanding of sexuality, gender, worth, and morality.

Reducing internalized shame

You can examine the messages you've absorbed about LGBTQ+ people and determine which beliefs you actually want to carry forward.

Developing self-acceptance

You can learn to treat yourself with compassion rather than constantly monitoring or punishing yourself.

Exploring identity

You can explore sexuality and gender without being pushed toward either an LGBTQ+ or heterosexual/cisgender conclusion.

Navigating family relationships

You can determine what boundaries, conversations, or levels of contact make sense for you.

Building healthy relationships

You can learn communication, boundary-setting, emotional regulation, intimacy, and relationship skills.

Processing trauma

If you've experienced rejection, bullying, abuse, discrimination, religious trauma, or conversion therapy itself, those experiences can be treated.

Finding community

You can explore what supportive relationships and communities look like for you.

Reconnecting with yourself

Perhaps the ultimate goal isn't becoming someone different. Perhaps it's finally becoming less afraid of the person you already are.

If You've Already Experienced Conversion Therapy

If you have already tried conversion therapy, none of this means you failed.

You were not weak. You weren't insufficiently committed. You weren't “not praying hard enough.” You didn't fail therapy. You didn't disappoint God because an intervention didn't work. And you don't have to spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for what happened.

People can recover from deeply harmful experiences.

Therapy can help you process:

• shame

• grief

• anger

• betrayal

• spiritual injury

• trauma

• confusion

• loss of community

• family conflict

• damaged self-worth

• fear surrounding sexuality or gender

You can also rebuild a relationship with yourself. Slowly. Without forcing yourself to adopt a particular identity before you're ready.

You Don't Have to Choose Between Shame and a Label

Sometimes people believe their only choices are:

“I reject being LGBTQ+.”

or

“I immediately embrace an LGBTQ+ identity.”

There is a lot of space between those two places.

You can say:

“I'm still figuring this out.”

You can say:

“I know I'm attracted to people of the same gender, but I don't know what that means.”

You can say:

“I think I'm bisexual, but I'm not ready to tell anyone.”

You can say:

“I don't want a label.”

You can say:

“I'm transgender, but I'm still figuring out what that means for me.”

You can say:

“I am queer, and I'm still working through religious shame.”

All of those are valid places to begin therapy.

The Goal Isn't to Make You LGBTQ+—or to Make You Straight

This distinction is incredibly important.

Affirming therapy isn't conversion therapy in the opposite direction.

A competent LGBTQ+-affirming therapist should not be trying to force you to become gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, nonbinary, queer, or anything else.

Instead, the therapist should help you explore your experiences and make decisions consistent with your own values, goals, autonomy, and well-being.

The APA specifically recommends therapeutic approaches that support acceptance, coping, social support, and identity exploration without imposing a particular sexual-orientation outcome.

That is what makes the approach fundamentally different.

So, Can You Stop Being LGBTQ+?

If by “stop being LGBTQ+” you mean:

Can therapy reliably turn a gay person heterosexual?

The scientific evidence does not support that claim.

Can therapy reliably eliminate same-sex attraction?

There is no credible evidence for this.

Can therapy turn a transgender person cisgender?

Current evidence does not establish that gender identity change efforts reliably accomplish this, and research has associated them with significant psychological harms.

Can someone's identity or behavior change over time?

Yes. Human identity and behavior can be complex and can change.

Can you heal?

Absolutely.

Can you feel less ashamed?

Yes.

Can you reconcile your sexuality or gender with your values?

Yes.

Can you develop a relationship with yourself that feels safer and more compassionate?

Yes.

Can your relationship with your family change?

Sometimes.

Can your parents come around?

Sometimes—and research suggests that some parents become more accepting with time and/or therapeutic support.

Can you build a meaningful life even if some people don't accept you?

Yes.

And perhaps most importantly:

You do not have to become someone else to deserve a life worth living.

There Is Another Way Forward

If you've been searching for:

• how to stop being gay

• how to become straight

• how to stop being bisexual

• how to get rid of same-sex attraction

• can sexual orientation be changed

• can therapy make me straight

• can prayer change my sexuality

• how to stop being transgender

• how to stop being queer

• how to overcome homosexuality

• how to cure homosexuality

• how to change my sexual orientation

• how to change my gender identity

• LGBTQ conversion therapy

• gay conversion therapy

• reparative therapy

• sexual orientation change therapy

you may be looking for a way out of pain.

You deserve help with the pain.

But you don't need a therapist who promises to erase you.

You deserve a therapist who can sit with the complicated parts.

The fear. The faith questions. The family questions. The uncertainty. The shame. The grief. The identity questions. The relationships. The future.

And eventually, perhaps, the possibility that you can stop spending so much energy fighting yourself.

What If Acceptance Feels Impossible Right Now?

Start smaller.

You don't have to wake up tomorrow and love every part of your identity.

You might begin with:

“I am willing to be curious about myself.”

Then:

“I don't have to punish myself for feelings I didn't choose.”

Then:

“I can separate what I was taught from what I actually believe.”

Then:

“I can decide what kind of life I want.”

And eventually:

“I am allowed to exist without constantly trying to become someone else.”

Healing doesn't always look like suddenly loving your identity.

Sometimes it looks like finally feeling safe enough to explore it.

You Are Not a Problem That Needs to Be Solved

Maybe the most important thing I can tell someone searching for a cure is this:

Your distress deserves treatment. Your depression deserves treatment. Your anxiety deserves treatment. Your trauma deserves treatment. Your shame deserves treatment. Your religious conflict deserves space. Your family conflict deserves support. Your loneliness deserves attention. Your relationship struggles deserve care.

But being LGBTQ+ is not itself a mental illness that needs to be cured.

The modern mental-health field has moved away from treating LGBTQ+ identities as pathology because the evidence does not support that framework. The APA's guidelines explicitly describe sexual minority orientations as normal variations of human sexuality and identify minority stress—not LGBTQ+ identity itself—as a major contributor to mental-health disparities.

You don't have to stop being yourself to start feeling better.

Sometimes healing means learning that you were never the thing that needed fixing.

If You Are Looking for Help

If you're considering therapy because you're struggling with your sexuality or gender identity, you can ask a potential therapist:

• “Do you provide LGBTQ+-affirming therapy?”

• “Are you comfortable working with clients who aren't sure about their sexual orientation?”

• “Can we talk about my religious beliefs without trying to change them?”

• “Can you help me work through internalized homophobia or transphobia?”

• “Can you help me navigate family rejection?”

• “What would you do if I told you I wanted to change my sexual orientation?”

• “Will you help me explore my identity without pushing me toward a particular label?”

A good therapist should be able to answer these questions without shaming you.

You deserve a therapeutic relationship where curiosity is welcome, uncertainty is allowed, and your autonomy remains yours.

A Final Word of Hope

If you're reading this because you desperately wish you weren't LGBTQ+, I don't want to tell you that you have to feel differently today.

You don't. You can be scared. You can be angry. You can be conflicted. You can miss the person you thought you were supposed to become. You can be afraid your parents won't understand. You can love your faith and be confused about what it means for you. You can wish things were simpler. You can take your time.

But please don't let someone sell you a promise that science cannot support simply because you are hurting.

You don't need to have everything figured out. You don't need to choose a label today. You don't need to come out today. You don't need to tell your parents today. You don't need to reconcile every religious question today. You don't need to love every part of yourself today. You can simply start with getting curious about the person underneath all the fear.

And if your parents are struggling to accept you, remember this:

Their first reaction does not necessarily have to be their final reaction.

Some parents need time. Some need education. Some need their own support. Some change dramatically. Some change slowly. And some don't change at all.

But whatever happens with them, you are still worthy of love, belonging, safety, and a future that feels like your own.

There is a life beyond trying to cure yourself. And you don't have to walk toward that life alone.

If any of this blog post has resonated with you and you live in NC, SC, TN, AL, or VA, reach out to Mosaic Minds Therapy PLLC by clicking here and our therapist will help you begin to navigate this next step in your life, one step at a time, going at your pace. Please remember, you are not alone and we can get through this—together.

Frequently Asked Questions About Conversion Therapy

Can conversion therapy change sexual orientation?

There is no credible evidence that conversion therapy can reliably change a person's sexual orientation. The APA's systematic review and subsequent guidelines conclude that sexual orientation change efforts are unlikely to be successful and can cause harm.

Can therapy make me straight?

Evidence-based psychotherapy should not promise to make an LGBTQ+ person heterosexual. LGBTQ+-affirming therapy can instead help someone explore their identity, reduce shame, address mental-health concerns, navigate religious or family conflict, and develop healthier coping strategies.

Can you get rid of same-sex attraction?

There is no reliable evidence that therapy can intentionally and consistently eliminate same-sex attraction. Some people experience changes in attraction over time, but this is different from demonstrating that a therapeutic intervention can reliably produce a desired orientation.

Is being gay a mental illness?

No. Major professional mental-health organizations recognize sexual minority orientations as normal variations of human sexuality. The APA explicitly states that sexual minority orientations are not mental illnesses.

Is being transgender a mental illness?

Being transgender is not itself a mental illness. Transgender people can experience significant distress, including gender dysphoria or distress caused by discrimination and minority stress, but gender identity itself should not be treated as something that requires conversion.

Is conversion therapy harmful?

Research has associated sexual orientation and gender identity change efforts with depression, anxiety, shame, lower self-worth, family conflict, suicidality, and other adverse outcomes. The strength of evidence varies by study design, but the overall professional consensus is that these practices lack demonstrated efficacy and carry meaningful risk of harm.

What is LGBTQ+-affirming therapy?

LGBTQ+-affirming therapy is psychotherapy that supports clients in exploring their sexual orientation, gender identity, relationships, and related experiences without treating LGBTQ+ identity as pathology or imposing a predetermined identity outcome. It can address depression, anxiety, trauma, shame, family conflict, religious trauma, relationships, and other concerns.

Does LGBTQ+-affirming therapy work?

Research supports LGBTQ+-affirmative psychotherapy as an effective approach for addressing mental-health concerns and minority-stress processes. Recent trials have demonstrated improvements in depression, anxiety, internalized stigma, and other relevant mechanisms.

Will my parents ever accept me?

Some parents do become more accepting over time. Research has found that parents' difficulty with an LGBTQ+ child's sexual orientation can decrease as they have more time to process, with one large study finding reductions after approximately two years. Family-based therapy has also been associated with increased parental acceptance among nonaccepting parents in preliminary research.

However, no research can guarantee that a particular parent or family will eventually become accepting.

What should I do if my parents reject me?

Your safety and well-being come first. Therapy can help you navigate boundaries, grief, family relationships, religious conflict, and the process of building supportive relationships outside your family of origin. Family acceptance is associated with better mental-health outcomes, but you do not have to earn your worth through parental acceptance.

References

American Psychological Association. (2009). Report of the APA Task Force on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation.

American Psychological Association. (2021). Guidelines for psychological practice with sexual minority persons. American Psychologist.

American Psychological Association. (2021). Resolution on sexual orientation change efforts.

Blosnich, J. R., Henderson, E. R., Coulter, R. W. S., Goldbach, J. T., & Meyer, I. H. (2020). Sexual orientation change efforts, adverse childhood experiences, and suicide ideation and attempt among sexual minority adults, United States, 2016–2018. American Journal of Public Health, 110(7), 1024–1030.

Burger, J., et al. (2026). Toward a mechanistic understanding of LGBTQ-affirmative cognitive-behavioral therapy: Testing treatment mediators in a randomized controlled trial with young gay and bisexual men. Behaviour Research and Therapy.

Craig, S. L., et al. (2025). LGBTQ+ affirmative CBT: A hierarchical linear model of longitudinal outcomes and mechanisms of change. BMC Psychology.

Dehlin, J. M., Galliher, R. V., Bradshaw, W. S., Hyde, D. C., & Crowell, K. A. (2015). Sexual orientation change efforts through psychotherapy for LGBQ individuals affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 62(2), 95–105.

Huebner, D. M., Roche, K. M., & Rith, K. A. (2019). Effects of family demographics and the passage of time on parents' difficulty with their lesbian, gay, or bisexual youth's sexual orientation. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 48, 1581–1588.

Ryan, C., et al. Research from the Family Acceptance Project has consistently demonstrated the protective role of family acceptance and the risks associated with rejecting behaviors.

Turner, C. M., et al. (2022). Attachment-based family therapy for sexual and gender minority young adults and their nonaccepting parents. Family Process, 61(2), 530–548.